I'm not crying, you are!
I can not believe that we are at the end of this process! We've finally made it to the finish line! It has been a crazy journey but it was honestly worth it. I am so glad that I am able to look back on this experience and be genuinely proud of how far I've come because it was not easy getting here.
I was so hopeful and determined in the beginning, oh how naive I was (just kidding!). I knew that I wanted my film opening to be in the crime genre but I was still trying to solidify my concept so I started researching. Researching other films and taking note of how they were filmed really did help me when it came to coming up with my film opening concept. I struggled with this a lot at first because I'd have so many ideas that were so left field and I tried to make them work but sometimes simplicity is key. I wanted to overcomplicate things and cram as much content into my opening but as time went on I quickly realized that this is not the best way to go.
I remember being stuck on what concept to choose. I remember not knowing what my film opening was even going to be about. I didn't know how my schedule would align with the actresses that I selected. I didn't know if we'd be able to film or if what I filmed would come out well or not. I didn't know if I'd have to change my entire film opening concept once the virus hit. Once I knew I wasn't going to change my concept, I had no idea how I was going to film it because we were quarantined. I wasn't sure of A LOT of things but I knew that it would all figure itself out in time.
At first, I was so upset about being quarantined because of the coronavirus and not being able to film my opening the way I originally wanted to. I hated the fact that I would have to film an opening that looked completely different from what I wanted and had in mind. I knew I couldn't continue throwing a temper tantrum so I calmed down and started working. During this process, I felt panicked because I felt like time was against me and stress and anxiety were becoming more prevalent. I was scared and unsure of what to do next but I just knew I think of something fast or it would become too late.
There were plenty of moments where I doubted myself and my abilities. I questioned myself, my creative process and my talent. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or if everything I had done up to the final product was even going to be worth it. I put so much effort into my blog postings because I enjoyed blogging and I thought I was decent at it.
I was so motivated to finish it that I completely missed the purpose of this project which was to have fun! This project wasn't about coming up with the most brilliant idea, filming a professional film opening with state of the art equipment, and getting an A. This project was about finding your passion and letting that be your main motivator. It was about letting your creativity drive you to create something original and authentic. I worked myself so hard by staying up late trying to figure out my next move when I should have been enjoying the process. I had to trust the process and once I did that, my project started to flow better and the pieces were finally starting to fit. Like they say, it's about the journey, not the destination and that's what I had lost sight of while in production.
There were so many obstacles faced that seemed to come one after another but every time I thought I hit a dead end, I'd find a way out. The determination and perseverance that I had to get this project done is something that I haven't witnessed in myself in a while. I had to have a couple of "come to Jesus meetings" but they were all worth it because I was put at ease and reassured that everything I did and all of my efforts would pay off. I'm not 100% certain if my film project is going to be good in the eyes of those critiquing it. I did my best, gave it everything I had and now all I can do is hope that my production is perceived well. I'm proud of what I've done either way.
It's bittersweet for me to say my final goodbyes to this project because I have put so much time, energy and effort into it! I will truly never forget this process and all of the valuable lessons I've been taught during it. I've learned so much about myself, my talent and my ability to handle and cope with stressful situations. I have left this experience a stronger person and I am proud beyond words. I have a new respect for myself as not only a creator but as a human being as well. I am so thankful that I've gone through this process and have matured as a result of it. This isn't the last so, I'll see you in the next blog!
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